Let’s All Join a Secret Society Run By Lazlo Toth
Never underestimate the power of letter-writing crackpots to alter the known universe, starting with the Chili’s logo.
Would it Kill Starbucks to Make Their Chairs a Little Easier on the Ears?
Starbucks is going to make their chairs easier on the ears. Because it would be great if they didn’t grate.
The Miss Universe Pageant Seems A Bit Too Earth-Centric If You Ask Me
Don Trump used to own Miss Universe. Until I pointed out all the winners were from Earth.
We Have Only Begun to Realize the Full Power of The Comfy
Our nation is sitting on a sleeping giant. With these 20 simple guidelines, we can harness its category-transcending powers.
The Opposite of Apocalypse
As soon as he reads this, Chris Nolan will start the beginning of the end of end times stories.
There Should Be a Depeche Mode Musical Right Away
Four Words. Black Celebration: The Musical. Someone should make it right away. Not me, but definitely someone.
The Electric Kool-Aid Conan O’Brien Must Go Test
With Conan Must Go set to premier, what better time to conceive an epic series finale? Season 3 lends even less urgency to these daft writings.
Mark Cuban Is My Drug Dealer of Choice
I emailed Mark Cuban. He wrote back. Together, we made history for a week.
Takashi Murakami’s Probably Sending Me Priceless Art
Phineas wrote to Murakami about how his one man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That’s why he’s probably sending some art. Or an empty sauce bottle.